Monday, August 17, 2009

Bella Needs Help

So Bella is going through a tough time right now and it's hard for me to watch her be this way. I'm certainly no expert in the field, but I'd say she's displaying 99 out of 100 symptoms of depression. In turn, her attitude which is really spiteful and hateful, starts to include those around her with in this case is me and the boy. It makes me very angry because there are times when she lashes out at us with vengeful HATE. As an adult, I know that she's really not in her right element but the boy has trouble understanding this and if I try to push back, it's like throwing gasoline on a burning fire.

Bella is stubborn to a T. She will defend 2+2=5 to the grave, even if she discovers along the way that it really equals 4. She's never apologized to me once in the time I've known her and for sure she'll simply tell you that the reason she hasn't is because she's NEVER wrong. There have been times where she's blatantly wrong, but rather than say sorry, she over-compensates with niceness instead. It's her way of evening the scale, without actually admitting fault.

Admittedly she hasn't had it easy. Her childhood was at the hand of a physically abusive European alcoholic Father who when he wasn't drunk and beating his kids, was drunk and beating his wife. Her parents are both dead now but she carries this baggage heavily. Whenever the boy has an issue and questions her authority the very first thing out of her mouth is always.... "You think you have it hard, try growing up in the house that I did..." That mantra transcends into others as well, not just the boy. If you bring up any problem you are having around her, she'll eclipse your issue with one of her own. So in her mind, you don't really have an issue... "Try having my life..."

So right now she's really struggling and I hate to see her this way. She's bothered by her weight, which is odd because she's 5'7 and around 150. She looks amazing to me but that's far from what she sees in the mirror. Her Mother was probably 100lbs overweight, as are her siblings. She's fighting genetics and with her 40th birthday coming around the bend she's fighting age as well.

For the last 4 months she's been going to the gym, but then suddenly for no apparent reason, she woke up one day with a pinched nerve in her back. I think she'd managed to drop 10lbs or so during her time at the gym however since she's been hobbling around the house this past 2 weeks with a sore back, she confirmed today that the weight is back on. She's constantly complaining about the pain and the medication our family Dr gave her seems to hardly be working.

She HATES her job. She's been a bartender/waitress since dropping out of high-school and she says she simply won't quit the job she's at now to become a waitress somewhere else. It's not that she minds the work, she really HATES her boss. I could write a book about some of the things that happen at that restaurant. Things that really put Bella in a bad position. The doors of that place frankly should be closed and honestly I wish they would.

Of course with our sexual differences, we're not having sex at all. She blames me entirely for destroying her chances of being happy with a vanilla man because of my D/s wiring so here again, life has thrown her shit and some external force is responsible for her not being happy.

The angle on this whole thing is that Bella seems to think that somehow life should automatically work itself out. She blames luck, blames GOD, blames me, blames her parents. Like somehow GOD is looking down and LETTING these things happen to her. "Why do bad things always happen to ME?" That whole thing. I hate talking religion with her because I'm a flaming Agnostic. I've watched this whole make-believe Jesus crap turn people into conformist zombies and at it's worst, molest children and take emotionally weak people for thousands of dollars. Ugh don't get me started...

It's hard because I want to help, but I know I don't have the academic skill to steer her on the road of mental recovery. She has issues that need to be dealt with and a professional needs to be involved. However as soon as I mention she needs some help, she rebels and explodes in my face saying there's nothing wrong with her, that it's the OTHER people in the world that are affecting her life negatively causing this whole thing. That it's simply "luck" which has her in this downward spiral and that there's nothing she can do about it. Luck.. God... Fate... what a bumblefuck.

So how do I get through to her? During times when she's been blatantly wrong I've just left her alone and after the rage dies down, she starts to think rationally and deals with things the right way. But leaving her alone feels like I'm doing nothing to help, not to mention that she's doing a number on the boy's own mental health. I'm sure he'll fondly remember the times where his Mother lashed out at him for no reason, simply because she was going through some depression and was too stubborn to admit she needs help.

I need to motivate her to get help. It wouldn't even cost us anything because I have coverage at work. I'm not sure what else I can do other than leave her alone help protect the boy from what she's projecting. I hope she loses the rage soon and starts to think rationally.

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